It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
