Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
