There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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