There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
