did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
