Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
