How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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