She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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