Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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