The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
