The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
