We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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