at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
