i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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