You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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