I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
