WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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