I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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