I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
