I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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