Got a toothbrush?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
