Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
