we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
