y did u give ur computer a hand job?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
