my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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