I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
