I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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