Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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