ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do vagina's smell?
Come see our sink grown plant.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
