your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
