if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
