You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
