im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
