you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
