first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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