I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
