i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
