Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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