3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
