It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They took my balls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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