and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
