Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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