Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
