I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
