ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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