U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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