Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
