Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
