Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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