omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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