I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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