toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
