I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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