I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
