In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think your dad took our porno
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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