i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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